Saturday, December 17, 2011

Is It Okay To Snoop Into Your Kids Life And Activities?

Do You Snoop, or Do You Think It Is An Invasion Of Your Child's Privacy? 
When I was telling my story yesterday on Eden this topic came up and I thought it would be a good one to write about. First of all I will tell you that I snooped, I looked in their pockets, their closets, their cars, their drawers , their Internet sites and in their journals. Nothing was sacred in my home. In fact I still have their passwords and they are adults but I don't snoop anymore, they don't like it haha plus they are now adults.

Why was nothing sacred here? Because my children were raised knowing that this house is not a Democracy when they walk in the door of this home, to this day, they are leaving the free world and entering Kim's Kingdom. Because this home is smack dab in the middle of a Dictatorship and I am the Dictator. This dictator wanted to know what her children were up to. Sometimes (not often) I read things, found things and learned things that I would have rather not known that my kids were doing. My daughter fought me for years on the invasion of her world and the harder she fought the more I knew I needed to find out. I mean, why she was so upset about my snooping unless she had something to hide. Sadly,when this happened I usually found something I needed to know.But I have always been a firm believer in tough love. I knew from my childhood and things I did, that kids will do just about anything and yes my kids would do it too under the right/wrong circumstances. But knowing also helped me prevent them from getting knee deep into a world of your family doesn't want to be here and this always happens to someone else not me.

Were there rewards? I am proud to say yes, my family is like anyone else we have our ups and downs and issues with various things.If you look too close to the corners you may find a few dust bunnies we would rather you not know about. Still we are a tight knit family that is like that mighty oak we bend with the wind but our roots are deep, we will sustain the storm. I have children that I can proudly brag about and have always been able to take places or leave with someone else. I knew I would never have to call them down or discipline them for bad behavior in public. My daughter(who is too much like me to make me feel good about it) told me the other day Mom, I get it, I look at my friends and their lives and I don't like where they are headed. I know why you were so tough when I was younger and I want to say Thank You. There is no better reward for hard work then that. I will admit that I struggled for years with doubts about snooping. I wondered if I was too hard on my kids or if I was a good mom, but her words tell me that I did the right thing. I see too many kids that can do just as they please without a ~where are you headed? and ~when will you be home?. They are rude to their elders and don't know how to respect others. All they know is what they want, it is how they are raised. How many times have you heard or maybe said or thought, my kids would never do that... if you have you are wrong. Yes Your kids will do just about anything and you need to know what, when,where and how they are doing it.

One example of a successful snoop was when during a snoop I discovered that a certain camping trip was going to involve lots of liquor, I did not let my daughter go. Her underage friend who had called her very drunk and very rambunctious  during that camping trip then invited her to spend the weekend  out of town for a family function and had his mother call me to reassure me of no hanky panky. She told me that her son was a good boy that would never break the law or do anything that would embarrass her, and I should put more trust in my daughter. While I did not blow the whistle on her son, I did tell her that she needed to take a closer look at that overly polished persona because she might find some smudges.

Hugs to you,